Holla it’s Friday. Thank goodness. Wilson has been out of town for most of this week, which means I was by myself at our apartment, which means things got WEIRD.
I did all of the odd things I do when I’m alone and Wilson’s not around to judge my idiosyncrasies. The short list of strange shit I did is as follows:
- Wore my pair of cheetah print pajama pants that I stole from my sister about 12 years ago starting every day at approximately 6:30PM. I tucked them cheetah things into my favorite pair of fuzzy pink and white polka dot socks and practiced running and sliding across our hardwoods like I used to do when I was a kid.
- I belted out my favorite Christmas song at the top of my lungs, falsetto and all — “The Christmas Song” by Nat King Cole — while dragging some Christmas garland up the stairs and reaffirmed that I am indeed the worst singer on the planet. I then sang it again just to piss off my neighbors.
- I freed my inner neat-freak/OCD tendencies and cleaned the strangest things, like wiping down the dust off of the top-most ledge of our bathroom mirrors and reorganized my bedside drawer, only to then mess up everything again just for the hell of it.
- I watched at least six hours of trash TV — Real Housewives, the Kardashians, etc. — while I ate my nightly dinner of red wine and puppy chow. Wilson’s mother makes this highly dangerous, highly addictive puppy chow that I have eaten at least four pounds of since last week.
Suffice it to say it was a BIG week in the Jones household. It’s actually kind of frightening to think about what I would be like if I was left to my own devices all of the time. An image of a woman in a bathrobe with lots of cats and red wine stains on her teeth comes to mind.
And if I were left to picking out presents for
myself all of the ladies in the world, I’d start with the below selection of gifts. All under $100. Et voilà.
These items are a range of prices — like the cuff for $23 and then the planner for almost $90 eek — so just pick your price range and then pick the gift that fits your budget. Just one gift will do — it’s about quality, not quantity.
Mmk I’m off to have a drink.