Remember this post about the naked windows in my dining area? They are naked no more! These windows received their versions of Botox injections with the drapes and lucite rod that now frame their sweet little faces.
Now that you’ve experienced the beauty and wonder of the drapes and rod, it’s time to tell the story.
First of all, anything lucite is stupidly expensive. Just ridiculous. Whoever decided clear plastic was cool and made it into a home trend is fine with me, but all of a sudden people are paying what they would for a car on a coffee table that is made out of the same material as that Tupperware in your fridge. I support lucite only when it is affordable because it is a trend — and one that will not stay in style like that antique chest your grandmother gave you.
Ok sorry for the soap box. Just wanted to make my feelings clear about lucite.
Anywho, once I ordered these custom drapes from the Martha & Ash shop on Etsy — highly recommend by the way! — it was time to decide on the mounting hardware. I found this blog post about DIY lucite drapery rods and was instantly intrigued. Coincidentally, once I voiced my opinion about installing lucite for these windows, Wilson and a friend both sent me the same link. Ok people, fine. I’ll do it. Twist my arm.
The blog writer lady said that she did some research and found a company that makes a variety of clear plastic rods that can be used to hang drapes. She said to ask for Kip and he’ll treat ya right nice and cut a rod the length you request and polish it up for you, too. Kip you ol’ dawg. Stop being so sexy.
Wilson, being the incredibly handsome and resourceful person that he is, called the company and asked for Kip and whatdayaknow, that little boo Kip answered and agreed to send us two poles — the company didn’t make one long enough for what our drapes called for. He even offered to ship the poles to Wilson’s office because they offer a discount when shipping to a business. Kip is the shit.
Not surprisingly, Kip also said that he gets at least two calls a week since that blog post was written to request lucite rods for drapes just like little ol’ me. You see? Bloggers rule the world.
Now it was time to choose hardware for the drapes. Wilson and I meandered around Lowe’s and found some great drapery rings and mounting holders that fit the width of the lucite rod.
We bought some gold spray paint and sprayed those suckers to give the windows a metallic pop.
These are the drapery rod “end caps” and rod “connector,” which in reality are plumbing materials. Haha.
So far, so good for the drapes.
The end on the drapery story, you may ask? Oh no. No, no, no.
It is now time to tell the story of the drapery installation.
Just picture it: you’re throwing a party for your friends and you want to buy new drapes before the party so everyone thinks you are just as fabulous and chic as you think you are in your head. You order the drapes well in advance and also coordinate — and by coordinate I mean tell Wilson to call the plastic company — the purchase and delivery of said drapery rods. You then take your significant other — poor Wilson — to Lowe’s to find hardware that you can spray paint to hold up the drapes. You *think* that you bought the correct hardware that will accommodate the width of your drapery rods. You also *think* that your significant other will hang said drapes well in advance of the party.
Just picture it: it’s the day of the party and you’re running around like a chicken with its head cut off barking orders at everything with a pulse to make sure the party is perfect. Your unbelievably supportive and loving family — who you demanded rearrange their schedules to come help you — is scurrying around your house helping set up the fabulous and chic party. Your significant other chooses 5:45PM to start hanging the drapes. The party starts at 7PM.
Cue Anna’s congestive heart failure. I need to take a xanax just writing this.
As I went into cardiac arrest, my sister Laurie swooped in to save the day — and Wilson’s life — as she so often does for me and helped Wilson hang the drapes. She solved everything. The rod doesn’t fit into the mounting hardware? No problem! She jammed the rod into its holder. The curtains are wrinkled? Don’t even think about it! She steamed them into perfect pleats.
Laurie, if it wasn’t for you, I would most likely be admitted into a padded room and Wilson would be on the run from his wife/for his life. The whole situation could have ended like a great game of Clue — Anna murdered Wilson in the kitchen with a candlestick! — but instead it turned out wonderfully because big sisters always save their little sister’s butts.
Laurie, the next round is on me.
You can tell everything about a person by their bar. I don’t trust anyone with a shitty bar. Oh you only have white zin and a bottle of rum? Yea no we’re not going to get along. Goodbye.
As the draperies were hung in the kitchen with care, Anna and Wilson sat at the table in the hopes their cocktails would soon be there.
Hope everyone has a fabulous Tuesday and that their husbands are not procrastinators.